Bring a lot of Beer, and Ration Your Weed

music, Uncategorized

The Do’s and Don’ts of Music Festivals

By Dylan Conner

Ahh… it’s that time of year. Festival season is upon us. Here at Sucker Magazine, we are definitely into festivals and as an annual festival attendee myself, I believe it’s my duty to give the newbies all the ins and outs of what its really like to survive a multiple-day fest. You don’t even have to be a newbie, but regardless, I have compiled a nice list of things you should and should definitely not do while attending such events.

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Make sure and get plenty of rest

We’ll start with the “Do’s”…

  • Plan your group accordingly. Bring people you would definitely enjoy yourself with, and who will be game to keep going when it hits hour 4 of standing at the main stage.
  • Scout out places to pee, and do so whenever you get the chance.
  • Pack just enough food that you think you might eat, chances are you won’t eat half of it but it’s good to be prepared.
  • Bring a lot of beer. Just when you think you have enough beer, grab more.
  • Find a good meeting place in case you lose your group, or you can just safely assume they will end up back at the campsite eventually.
  • Introduce yourselves to the people camping by you! Festival friends are good friends.
  • Camp near the Canadians, they rule.
  • Pack a damn first aid kit, we’re talking the whole nine yards. You’re going to thank me when you have a ton of blisters.
  • Make sure your shoes are comfortable if you want to avoid the issue mentioned before.
  • The Hangover: avoid it by either not drinking a ton, or just go balls to the wall and stay continuously drunk.
  • If you really need to wear that dope body chain, make sure you bring sunscreen to avoid weird tan lines. I mean, bring sunscreen anyways but you know what I mean.
  • Ration. Your. Weed.
  • Plan out who you want to see prior to the actual event.
  • General rule of thumb is to pack like you’re going on a regular camping trip but with music and a lot more people.

 

Here’s what you absolutely fucking should not do…

  • Don’t try some drug you’ve never done at a festival. If you absolutely must take that tab of acid from the man in the rainbow morph suit, go for it, but make sure you have a babysitter.
  • Don’t be that guy or girl that needs to sit on someone’s shoulders through an entire set. Also don’t make it worse by just being up there to take selfies.
  • If your group doesn’t want to go see a set that you’re dying to catch, ditch ‘em and go see who you paid all that money to see.
  • Don’t pack like you’re going on a plane. Just plan your outfits and bring some backup clothes if the weather changes.
  • Avoid getting so hammered that you tap out before the music even starts and you wake up facedown in the grass, halfway inside your tent with nobody around you.
  • Do. Not. Forget. To. Drink. Water… you’ll pass out and end up like me at Sasquatch 2013 in the medic tent with some drunk dude asking you to flash him your tits.
  • Ladies, the old “hide joints in your tampon wrappers” trick does not work. Just stash shit in your bras, they can’t check you there.
  • Don’t be afraid to take as many photos as you want. Don’t listen to people who give you grief for it, months later you’re going to be glad you did.
  • Oh cool you bought a sick ass Native American headdress? Leave it at home.
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